Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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