what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
