So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
