Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
