you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
