We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Come on in and take your pants off
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