Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
