I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
