You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize