could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
