Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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