got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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