I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
