She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
