So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
