I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
