Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
