maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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