You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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