Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
