I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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