if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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