You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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