we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
