Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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