The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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