I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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