I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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