I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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