I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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