i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
