Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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