It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
