He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
