Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
