This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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