I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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