I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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