Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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