Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
