well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
