I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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