I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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