So drunk its hurt
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
