the condom got lost in my hair
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
