how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
