Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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