i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
