he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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