a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
