Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize