Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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