You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize