i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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