we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
