i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
