You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize