He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I love having hate sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
