he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
