Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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