News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Two words: blizzard sex
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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