the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
