Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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