Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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