Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
