Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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