Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
