I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
