we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
