Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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