I don't think brook has ever known best
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
