The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
