evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
