im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
