Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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