this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
