I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
