i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
