My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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