Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
