she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
