My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
