are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
