She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize