If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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