ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
