my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
