I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
