You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
