Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
