Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
