My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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