I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
