I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
