Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize