I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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