I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
