Whod you bang
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
